Yamraj ,Chitragupta & Me!

It was a Sunday evening when I was surfing through the TV that I got hooked on to ‘Aastha’ channel. A yogi was talking on life after death and how one’s karma (deeds) on earth will lead to him going to either swarg (Heaven) or narak (Hell).This reminded me of my childhood when my grandma used to tell me the stories of ‘Yam raj’ and ‘Chitragupta’ who together form a decision on a person’s fate after death. I just started wondering what would be my fate once I am dead and what are the parameters that these guys would use to evaluate me.

SCENE 1

(There’s a big Queue in front of Yam raj’s durbar and am the next person waiting for entry. I saw Santa Singh just besides me. Curious to find out how he died, I started questioning him)
Me: Hey Santa, how did you die?

Santa: I was going home after work when I saw a lady drown in near-by River and I jumped in it to save her.

Me: Oh..Poor soul..and you drowned to death while trying to save her?

Santa: Hahaha…No No (Laughing) I saved her somehow after struggling a lot, but it happened that after pulling her to the land, I realized she was my own wife!! I got a big Heart attack and died on the spot. ..

SCENE 2 – THE Durbar

Yamraj: Mr.Chitragupta, please go through the profile of next candidate in the queue.
Chitragupta: Yes highness...Our next candidate is Mr.Ashwin. He is a lazy lad from the state which proclaims itself to be the ‘god’s own country’. Though he was born in a Brahmin family to a virtuous couple, he never adhered to the principles he was expected to follow. He not only did not do the ’pooja & sandhya vandana’ but also used to booze. He has been a spendthrift all through his life and has never cared about any values.

Yamraj: Hmm...I see… Let him in. Let us see what explanations he has got for us. We will grill him further during our interview

(Chitragupta signals the soldier to let me in)
Chitragupta: Welcome to the durbar Ashwin…It’s a pleasure to have you here (???)
Yamraj: So Ashwin, first of all tell me how do you feel to be here.

(As if it was Microsoft office and it’s my first day at office)
Me: To be frank, I felt you have been cruel to me. I was just 48 years old and got promoted to Senior Business Analyst position very recently. I was celebrating this occasion with my friends when I fell unconscious and I never woke up.

YamRaj: Oh.. Is it?? You exceeded your limit on drinks during the celebration and you never knew you were suffering from Cirrhosis. Tell me this, you have been found a regular visitor at local pubs and bars in your college and office vicinity many times. How do you justify this?

Me : Sir, I am from a state which is said to be god’s own country but incidentally, it is also highest in per capita consumption of liquor among Indian states at 8.3 liters. We keep bettering our own records every time..In the sense, we set a record for one Vishu, better it for Onam and again exceed it for Christmas the same year. Hailing from such a state which has a culture of drinking, how can you blame me? You will first have to catch hold of the government officials and close down the Beverage corporations which are selling liquors even to kids below 18 years of age. Add to that there are numerous illegal brewing centers .Unless they do something on this, all of us are helpless.

YamaRaj: Hmm…I remember now that some among your major politicians have even tried to bribe us to get a place in the heaven…. So it’s probably a fault of the system and you are excused! But, your record shows that you have been in police custody for a day during your engineering for causing damages to public good. any explanations for this?

Me: Sir, do you know what is a ‘Harthal’ or probably a ‘Bandh’??

YamRaj (wondering) : Errrr….Is it some kind of new computer technology , making which is the only job you mankind has got.

Me : No sir, it is the regional festival of kerala.It is one day we all keralites, irrespective of our caste, religion or color celebrate unanimously. Nobody is expected to run any shop/school/college or public transport that day and it comes once in every week. We are all together for this cause. Various regional political parties (SFI, ABVP.YKC,UDF, LDF) takes turn in organizing and making them a success.

YamRaj : So what about it?

Me : It is during one such Harthal that we had a university exam and were compulsorily required to give it. Now you tell me, wasn’t it faulty on their part to keep an exam during festival time? We, SFI who were organizing it that time formed a group and set fire to college bus as a protest. Was it a wrong thing to do??Tell me, was it wrong??

YamRaj : Uffff…Festivals…Celebration..exams..Ok Ok…You are excused. Probably, your university should have consulted you before keeping an exam.

YamRaj: Leave that aside, but do you realize how much you have changed over the years?? You were born to a Brahmin family and your primary duty is to serve others. Even though you were earning in lakhs, you have never cared for your fellow beings and you completely forgot a person called ‘God’. What explanations have you got for this?

Me: Sir, down there, things are not as hunky-dory as you feel. There is competition everywhere and Money rules the world. Being a Brahmin, I have never got any concession/reservation/fee discount anywhere and had to always struggle to get what I want while some minority caste people were always making it to the top without even satisfying the basic requirements. Moreover, my father was just a government servant struggling to make ends meet. So will I try to save my ass and get a good life and save money for myself of serve the others??

YamRaj (confused): Ok...Probably you are true. It can be excused because it was due to the social circumstances. But what about your studies? You took a loan from xxx Bank for Rs.10 Lakh to do and MBA and your GPA is a pathetic 2.77.Shouldn’t you have concentrated more on studies when you have collateral at stake?

Me: what about the ones who are making education a business? My college charged just 3.5 lakh in 2008, increased to 4.5 lakh in 2009 and then jumped to 9 lakh for our batch. So I was forced to take the loan. We did not even have basic Infrastructure at our campus and the 'Mother Firm' is running it purely for monetary basis. Now about the grades, we have a grading system wherein all the professors write down all possible decimals from 1-4 in white papers and take lots to decide one’s grade. People even end up getting 3.5+ for all or 2- for all. So, I can’t do much about it.

Chitragupta: Sir…Mr. Saurabh Kumbhare, a NABARD senior manager well known for his sincerity and integrity who passed the trial here yesterday too was crying foul about the grading at NM*** and I think this lad is true.

YamRaj : Ok..One last Question...I would say you have never been true to yourself. You wanted to be a software engineer after your graduation, changed mind soon after joining Infosys , decided never to return to IT again and did and MBA. But you died as a business analyst. What say?

Me : Sir…In my life, the biggest learning for me has been that nothing happens our way. We want something and end up doing something else. I wanted to do a B.Com, ended up doing Engineering due to parent pressure. Similarly, I wanted to be a Marketing manager after MBA but my loan and other necessities forced me to take up any job that comes my way and ended up doing this. So the essence is, never crave for anything. Just accept what you get and be happy.

YamRaj : YEAH..I had applied for the post of financial analyst with Mr.Devendra and wanted to calculate the Balance sheet statements of Indraloka, but he gave me this stupid HR post of recruiting people to Heaven and Hell.

Chitragupta- and I wanted to be in Training & Development team of HR deciding which person should go through which Punishment and Devendra gave me this bullshit job of Database administrator

YamRaj: So Ashwin…After considering the PESTEL framework, Porter’s 5 Forces and the circumstances under which you have resorted to do these things, I have decided that you are free of blame and eligible to enter Heaven. We expect you to continue with this behavior of yours in the future and wish you good luck.

Me : Thank you sir. I shall always be like this.
Chitragupta, Next person please………